It was in pretty rough shape: the interior had been ripped apart by something pretty large and fairly mean, it had been deemed uncertifiable due to its complete lack of floorboards and all of the windows had those safety glass cobweb shatters that are so fun to make as long as you aren't using your forehead to do it. The derby I was in allowed them so I combed the countryside until I found a '74 Chrysler Imperial that had spent the last few years as the rural equivalent of a lawn jockey. You have to be careful, though, because some derbys have actually banned old New Yorkers and Imperials on the grounds that they were built on Sherman tank frames and therefore represent a threat to the survival rates of other drivers. A lot of people go for old station wagons for their extra rear crumple zone but I prefer old Chrysler products. But even if you know absolutely NOTHING about cars, the selection of a derby car is fairly easy if you remember three simple concepts: bigger is better, rust is your enemy, and Fords crumple easier. For the price of a two four of beer - it's pay-back time!įinding and prepping a demo car is kind of like making an apple pie from scratch - it's a fair amount of work and that scares a lot of people away. But forget the therapy sessions and save the Yani CD's for cheese boards, for a paltry twenty-five dollar entry fee you can get it all out of your system. ![]() How many commuter drones, stuck in traffic hell, haven't wished they had the nerve, the money or the Bluesmobile incarnate to just lose control and plow their way out of there? How many people haven't felt the anger and resentment building inside them when some inconsiderate slob has left a divot in their previously pristine car door? And how many people have kicked themselves at their own vanity as they hurried off to an auto body shop get an estimate on fixing a ding in their bumper? Aren't bumpers there to be bumped? These kinds of pent-up frustrations can kill you. In fact, I can't understand why more people aren't - it should be the perfect stress-release. Was the concept too deep? You don't have to be a mechanic, a gear-head, or a car nut to be in the derby. When I told my friends that I had entered the derby at a local fall fair, I was surprised, amazed and a tad disappointed at how many of them couldn't figure out why. And from that day forward, commuting to work will never be the same again. something to be customized to fit your purposes, used hard and then discarded. You come to the realization that cars are not just for getting from Point A to Point B - they're sports equipment. It marks that point when you leave your life of quiet desperation behind and throw aside the primal instinct of self-preservation, twentieth century society's respect for personal property and your deepest, darkest fear of insurance companies. I had to enter the Demolition Derby.Įntering a demolition derby is a watershed for most people. So when the fall fair season rolled around, I knew what I had to do. ![]() But recently, I became bored with living vicariously through the accomplishments of others. I must admit that for a good portion of my life I have been a Watcher, content with going through life as an enthusiastic spectator. There's the modern day equivalent of jousting - the Demolition Derby!įorget all that propaganda about sexual divisions, racial divisions, and even Canada's omnipresent English/French bickering - there are actually only two types of people in this world. There's more to sleepy little fall fairs than pumpkin judging and quilts. Ian's MacKenzie's SO MUSKOKA - Captain Crunch
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